Good times...

Times are good, as the title suggests. I am trying to start a new life, albeit very slowly. Too many people that can be hurt and as much as I don't want to care, I do.

I go a random hookup email from craigslist about wanting to date. Not a hookup for sex or partying but to legitimately date. I sent him my pic and returned with one and he was hot! My kind of guy completely. However it has been a few days now and he hasnt responded. Don't know what that could mean. I mentioned that I am not out all the way but working on it. I hope thats not it. I wouldnt think so. I would think any mo would understand the trouble of going through that!

In little news, I did spend the weekend trying to seduce a guy that absolutely has to be gay, but it didnt work. Either he's just plain not interested in me or he still has some figuring out to do.

Don't know what else to say. Nothing much is going on. I will keep you posted and i will add another story here soon.

alex...

Drunk Blogs are Bad Ideas.

How true is that. I read that one someone blog but i cant remember which one it was, but its SOOO true. Sometimes. I an drunk/high/medicated and ready to write.
Things with the girl are feigning away so we can stop worrying about that. It just now that....I want to find a guy. Not perfect but everything i want, you know? It seems like its so hard to find good guys though because of the hot guys i look at there is a good chance that i can never have a chance with him cuz hes straight. its hard to do it. I see these gorgeous guys and i know i can never have them cuz they are "normal". shit. i hate parents. they just want to cause trouble. shut up people, shut up.

I just want love. i want a hot guy in my arms. someone that doesnt just want to invite me over to suck their duck. someone that wants to hold, love, be okay with everything. Go to the park and kiss by the lake, or just hold hands. oo wishful me.

heres a few examples:





Yeah baby. Thats what im talking about.

Mighty Happenings

So ready for an adventure?? Prepare. Enter contender number 1: Craigslist 2: ME!!!

Ok, we get the picture. its a craigslist hookup. So far i have done three. for now, until im ready, i will skip the first experience. it wasnt awful, i wasnt raped or anything (cant rape the willing) but its interesting. for later though.

for now we concentrate on the second experience. Heres the scene....


i was trying to figure out something to do, so i went upstairs to a party and had 3 shots of rum with some friends. it was good, feeling a little buzzed but i wanted more. so i head back down to my room and begin to surf CL. and there i find it. "2 guys in their 20s seeking a 3rd for fun play. We'll be partying too" I have ALWAYS wanted to be in a threesome so here it was, my dream! So i got ready for the party which was going to involve some drugs cuz thats what that means in the ad.
So I get there and Mark meets me at the door and says hello and he leeds me up to their place. It was very nice, the decor was very modern. i would of just stayed there if theyd let me. I then met the other guy Matt. They were both really hott which after my first experience, i was very surprised. I thought tonite was going to be awesome!!

so we all sat down in front of the flat screen, and the popped in some porn. then he reached for a vial and lighter of what i figured to be Meth. Hell ya says i, i have never tried meth so why not? i took hit after hit until it came to me. I felt perfect like the world was never any more perfect.
Then we went into the bedroom i immediately began to take matts shirt off. He was skinnier and more 'twinkish' than Mark which is my type. I then started to suck both ther dicks. the lights were low, music was on, candles were lit, it was perfect! I went down on those boys like you wouldn't believe. I told him i liked it a little rough because i want to eventually try some sub/dom stuff in the future which i have, but thats a dif entry. so he started being a little rougher. He started to pinch my nipples very VERY hard and pull and twist on them hard, way too hard, but I didnt stop him. he was in control and i trusted him. It felt good. as much as the pain pinched, it felt good on my nipples.
I then went back to sucking both their cocks while they were laying on the bed side by side. then marc said, "you wanna fuck" and like the eager beaver i was i said "sure".

He crawled behind me, spat on his cock and my ass, smacked my ass and rubbed my hole around, loosening it up for his big cock (and it was).
Finally I was ready I took a deep breath and he thrust his hot man cock inside me so deep. I could feel it. I could feel it. It was wonderful. He fucked and fucked. Don't you see how beautful this is? really, really is?

Finally he unloaded inside me and we all just walked around the apartment for about 30 minutes with no clothes on at all. just as happy as can be!! it was the best night of my life. the best. thank you guys for that. thank you.


...the other side to the story does have a bad part. there was a horrible crash i had when i came down from the meth high. i was depressed for a bout a week. its gone now, but it was odd. that was just the after effect of the meth tho. ill just stick to my good ole E from now on!!!!

k, thanks boys.

see ya next time.
sorry if its a little erratic, im extrememly doped up on some hypnotic pills so excuse my erratic typing.

see ya boys,

Alex, yours forever

My Life in a Blog-shell

so. here's {insert blog title here}....

started out your normal everyday kid. played baseball. watched wrestling (and thought it was real beeotch!) What happened? Why when I went to middle school were the boys becoming so attractive? What is this? Boys are supposed to like girls. girls girls girls!! Why do I keep ogling the hot guy named Kasey. Why?

So there it was, middle school. I realized it then. I know it wasnt before because for some reason my best friend since before middle school Amy, was very close to me. Close enough that we would go down stairs and take off our clothes, lay under a blankey and FEEL. Thats what we called it. We'd say do you want to feel today? and i said yes or no. always yes of course. Of course this was just two youngsters experiencing their bodies for the first time. We wanted to see and feel what and why the other was different.

So from there on it was boys boys boys. They were all gorgeous. Perfect little butts, rosy cheeks, perfect hair, all sporty like a boy should be, it was all perfect. Except that I get stuck messing around with the straight guys that want their dick sucked, as I have previously mentioned. And they are usually quite non-attractive. All together I have had anal sex with 2 guys (before college) now its up to 5. I oralled a few peeps back home as well prob 2. But thats that

and yes, throughout all this I have a girlfriend. but that is being fixed soon i think. shes amazing to me and i will do anything i can to keep from hurting her. this is a situation, no one would want to be in.

Back for the second round...again.

I already typed up a nice post the other day but right before i published it it went all wonky and disappeared. i was too pissed to re write so, its gone forever. new post.

so im hopped up on sleeping pills like i was when i started this blog and the first entry, so i continue now in tradition.

I believe we last left with Ryan getting one sweet BJ from me. I will talk about a good one for you. i did mention in my last that we, (ryan and i) frequently used inhalants as a stiumlant for sex (and in his case, an excuse to ask for it.) Well it was a fresh day and we were all huffed up on pledge and bouncing around the walls. Well soon came ryan in that "i wanna ask you for gay pleasures but i dont know how. i saved him the pressure. i grabbed his pants and slowly unbuttoned his pants while my other hand was rubbing his already half loaded cock. the tip of his cock was edging out of his underwear and slowly gave it a tongue tweez and he shuddered with glory. I proceeded to peel his underwear down until his raging cock was staring me in the face, i immediatly bit the bullot and forced 8" cock down my throad. "Fuck man!" he said. He never said much during these or after cept for "fuck man!" i could feel his cock still swelling in my mouth, suddenly ryan ripped his cock outta my mouth, pushed me around into the doggy-style position spit on my ass, spit on his cock and shoved his dick straight into my ass.
Now as we'll get more deeper into my childhood, like before this happened, I had always had a curious fixation with my mouth and my body, namley sticking things in my ass. Its odd but, the first object i used was a pencil. I inserted it slowly, i was very nervous.i would spit on it to make it go in better, spin it a litte to ease it in. I have no idea why since pencil were plentiful in my househould, but i kept the same pencil to do it with, like my own personal dildo. What kinda kid has that. I was around 10 years old! oh well, i was happy.
so back to the story. his cock was ALOT bigger than a pencil so it HURT. i actually screamed and cowered up in the corner for a second until he said "ill take it slower." we fucked. and after it was eased in and the pain started to be pleasure, when ever he would pull out, i would shove me ass back hard against hi pubic bone and force his whole cock into me. i wanted to be filled as most as he could mange. He fucked me for a short while and shot his load in my ass bareback style. what came next was odd.

he took out a banana and wrapped it in a grocery plastic bag, got some vaseline to rub on it and told me to stick it in my ass. i being the obliging little boy i was said okay, sat doggystyle on the chair and shoved it in slowly. it was quite interesting. my first real dildo eperience.

thats about it i think.. im getting a little trippy from the pills to its harder to type...


nite

alex

Alright, let's do this thing.

For my first 'experience' post I am going to go for one that I definitly remember. Most of them are foggy because of drug abuse but we can get into that later.
So, let's introduce a new character. We already have me, Alex, so I'd like to introduce Ryan.
While Ryan was not my first sexual experience with a guy, he was the longest (in both ways) and most important. So. Ryan.
Ryan and I have known each other since we moved in to the neighborhood I lived in most my life up to college. We quickly became best-friends doing everything together. Ryan was about 3 years older than me but it never felt like that. As far as when anything sexual began and how that happened its murky. What I do remember is watching porn, A LOT.

There was one afternoon after getting off the school bus where we were watching some strange higher-budget film on the Spice network about Butt Aliens that were trying to spread their seed on earth. Blah-Blah. I remember him saying "dude, I really wish we had some chicks here. My dick is so hard." I said, "yeah, mine too dude."
After a while, Ryan said "Why don't we switch and see how that feels?" I said "sure" and we started some mutual hand jobs. It was great! He had a really big dick, being italian and all, so it was a lot of fun stroking his meat.
After some more time, Ryan finally said, "dude, i really do wish we had some chicks here but we dont, so why don't we try what they are doing on the porn?" At the time the big-breasted woman was blowing some guy painted in green. I of mumbled "okay" through my cracked voice. I moved around him to the side and settled in front of him between his legs while he sat on the couch and watched the porn. I grabbed his thick cock and began to do with it what I assumed one should do with it. I slowly licked his balls. From one to the other then settled my tongue right in between them. I began the slow, wet ascent up his throbbing cock stopping for a little pleasure pause on the sweet spot right before the head of his dick. I then opened up and swalled his warm shaft. For the next 5 minutes I worked that shaft up and down as hard as I could because I wanted him to like it. Love it. I wanted him to want it more and more in the future. I did some deep throating the best I could with that big dick but i couldnt keep it in too long. I kept going and pausing to take it out of my mouth and jack it off while tongue teasing the tip then swallowing it whole again. This went on for about 10 minutes before he, without warning, exploded in my mouth. Hot cum was flowing and spurting out of his cock for it seemed like 40 seconds. I swallowed everybit of it. I wanted him to like it, to come back for more.
He got up, pulled his pants up, and said "lets go to my house and play some super nintendo."
"Okay," says I and thats where we went.


Reflection on that experience:
Wow. It was my first real sex with a guy, minus anal of course, that comes later. Thinking about it now gets me excited and wishing I could see this guy again. He's off in life, lord knows where. Last I knew he had a wife and a newborn baby. I look at that future and think I see foreshadowing. It seems like the guys I mess with end up just being "that straight guy that lets the gay guy blow them." That really sucks! What I want is more than that, obviously. We can get into that more in the future as well.
Back to the experience. These types of experiences happened all the time. Both unfortunately and fortunately a lot of our encounters were influenced by drug use. He had some more experience with drugs like pot and other things, but I was a newbie. I had tried cigarettes with him and didn't like them much although I did smoke lot with him. So our drug of choice was inhalants. Probably the most dangerous ones you could use. Why? Because these drugs, more than any other, carry the one-time-use death danger. But still we did it. And I luckily survived it all. We did it A LOT. Usually daily for most the time we knew each other which seemed to really sit into a nice two year chunk before the falling out. Our inhalant of choice hovered around gasolene. It provides a quick, mind-numbing high, that doesn't last longer than two minutes. Other times we would use the freon from air conditioner units and other times we'd just improvise.

So I think that's enough for tonite. I would like to start updating an experience a day. Maybe a little less but we'll see.

Live your life.
In the end, only kindness and whats in your heart matters.

Welcome to me.

I do not know why I created this. Maybe it's the fact that I never talk about my feelings. To ANYONE. Maybe it's the fact that I haven't cried in 5 years and desparately want to everyday. Maybe it's because I am gay and have a girlfriend whom I have been wanting to protect from this life I can't escape.

Maybe it's me.

So much happens each day in the world, this country, this state, this city, this block, this apartment, this bedroom, this chair, this person, this heart. I guess I created this blog to let out what I can't here in the real world. The stuff I want to say but am afraid to. On the other hand I can say the things I'm scared to as well and be able to go on.

I'm not as tragically depressed and "emo"-like as my first entry is sounding. If you were to see me on the street you would think nothing different of me or the friends around me. Everything different or worth 'blogging' about is internal. This will probably, more occasionally fall into being whiney "my life is so sad" stuff, but thats what these things are for. People, if any, that read this are reading because they are interested as well.

So...what to expect from my blog. 1) I want to chronicle stories of my life. Experiences, mostly sexual. Pretty much all sexual. I want to discover me, when this all began; how it began. 2) I want to complain here. I want to lash out, I want to appreciate, I want to love and hate here. So basically expect some sexual experiences mixed with rantings and ravings as well. And yes, the pic is me, but it remains anonymous and that's the only one you will see on here.

Let's get to it then.